If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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