just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
