laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
