I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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