Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
