Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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