WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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