Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You can't special order awesome
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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