I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
