I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
