new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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