Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
