She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
