I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
