hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
