Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
