Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
