Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize