Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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