So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
