Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think a kid would responsible me up
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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