the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
