Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
