I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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