dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
