How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
