i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
