Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
