She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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