dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
