I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
