If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
