Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
