I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
