I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
