Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he fucked my hip out of place.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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