you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
