Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
where are you?
Hypothermia
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize