Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
