when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
