be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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