Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
