Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You took a bar mat shot.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
