ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
