just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The air was thick with penises
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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