My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
