Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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