so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
