This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
