dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When are your genitals available?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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