You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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