Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think my moral compass just broke
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
