U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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