It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
