JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
