he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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