I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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