dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
