I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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