Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
