i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
where does the pee come out of this thing
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
