Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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