brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
