you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
