Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
