he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
