She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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