Pappa wants mamma naked
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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