Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My bed smells like the plague
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